The Heart That Never Was

Title: The Heart that Never Was
Rating: NC 17/[M]
Warnings: Explicit language, explicit sexual content, erratic update time, risk of story NOT being completed and spoilers. Possibly more as the story proresses.
Pairings: AxelRoxas, RikuSora, SeiferHaynerOlette. (No, not a threesome. It’s complicated. XD)
Genre: Adventure/Romance/Drama/Angst/Fluff/Humor/Action.
Summary: What if the silent wish within their hearts were given by the most unlikely witch, but if one were to truly think about it, it all made sense. Roxas and Axel find their way into life, and begin a new journey that would rival the previous ones.
Author: MicaB

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, nor do I earn a cent for this. I, however, did shamelessly borrow the Kingdom Hearts and Disney characters without permission. Please don't sue me?

A/N: Written in first PoV, in the eyes of Roxas. Only this part of the story will ever be written in first PoV. Another note is... THE TITLE IS PENDING, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO NAME THIS STORY.


Memories flashed through my mind, like wildfire burning my skin and engraving them in my skull. Memories that were not mine, and the memories that were mine. They were mine and Sora's. I can't remember what happened before this, but right now, I felt like I was being taken away into somewhere distant.

As if I did not belong with Sora, but I did. It was confusing to say the least, and all I could remember was that the darkness engulfed me. My very being, my soul and even the body I never felt like I had. I asked myself, what was Kingdom Hearts? Was it the Kingdom of hearts? Did it hold unimaginable power, that could destroy countless worlds and probably, the universe? Xemnas made it seem like Kingdom hearts would give us hearts. Deep down, I think I knew it wasn't true. Who was he to give me a heart? What was Kingdom Hearts to give me a heart?

As far as I was concerned, I had a heart. But why did everyone else say otherwise?

I felt. But I had no heart beat.

How could I feel and not have a heart? What was I made of? Was I a machine?

I don't know where I am right now, but I feel so light. I'm too tired to open my eyes, and I'm scared of what I might see. I feel no land or ground below me, I feel like something is sweeping me off to somewhere far- somewhere unknown.

My chest hurt, it felt like it was shrinking. It hurt. Why did it hurt? I was aware I was alone, even in this unknown place. Even as the wind kisses my skin, as it floats me away somewhere. Then I thought of him.

He was a friend.

He was my friend. Someone I felt calm with, someone I felt happy with. Despite his laziness, outspoken bluntness and his wild personality. He was my very first friend. And I had watched him die. It's something I couldn't forget, something I wanted to forget. Something that reminded me that I did have a heart, and every time I thought of that person, my heart would hurt.

Who was the world to tell me I had no heart?

And yet, the only person who made me know I had one, isn't.. here anymore. The wind grew stronger, more aggressive as I thought of him. My mind would waver between him, then Hayner, Olette and Pence. But it always ended with him.

The last thing I remembered, before I felt my surroundings darken, despite still having my eyes shut. I thought of him.

I hope the wind takes me to you, Axel.

--

A/N: Digging old stories. XD Fudgecakes.

A/N: Eek. Rewrite, reform, and a complete make-over. Same cliché opening lines though. 

Disclaimer: I’m not sure why people even keep putting up these things. How weird would it be to find someone to actually claim they own Kingdom Hearts?

Words: 4,579

Amidst the thundering Twilight Town was an unconscious body that lay limp on the sidewalk beside a sewer drain. His red hair was damp and dirty, his skin looking paler then it should. For a moment his hand twitched as the roaring winds froze his face making him shiver visibly. The rains poured it’s fury onto the streets as well as the unfortunate body that rested on the surface. A particularly loud flash of lightning jolted him up, letting his natural senses awaken.

The first thing he felt was pain. It was almost excruciating and unbearable, mostly coming from his head and chest. The second thing was a sense of loss, frantically examining his surroundings and himself despite the stormy weather. The last thing was the rapid beating of his heart. In his trance, the man lifted his hand to his chest, right where his heart laid beating. His mouth uttered a few words that were lost in the storm, looking stumped and confused.

As gently as he could, the man tried to stand without moving too much of his limbs. The effort was in vain as his entire body protested, although he be damned if he let himself die due to a petty cold and fever. The best he could find was partial shade under a closed restaurant. His black cloak was soaking as was everything else underneath, every inch of his skin felt chilled and he looked about ready to faint. He persevered of course, now making strange gestures with his hands as if he was expecting something. He mouthed more words, irritation now growing apparent on his face.

“Fire…” Softly, his coarse voice weakly uttered. The hopeless expression on his face spoke volumes; he sat there in silence as he stared at his open palms. How silly he must have felt when there was no fire to warm his body.


His labored breathing was ringing in his head while he struggled to keep walking. The boy’s blonde hair was soaked, his hair pressing on his skin as it was completely defeated by the storm that roared fiercely across the looming sky. Loudly and every so often, thunder would roar and catch his attention but ever enough to keep it. It rang through his head while the ache in his body continued.

Somehow each time he though his leg would fall off, he was still able to make yet another step. Confusion was consuming him, moreso hopelessness and the sense of loss. Why was he here? Again he asked for the second time as he woke up, recognizing the quirky signs in front of the closed signs that were prepared for the storm.

By pure instinct, the young boy knew where he was. It was not his intended destination- he had none but this was better than nothing. Gathering up the effort to look up and face the dropping rain, he peered at the large block tower above the station. The memories overflowed and he felt his heart skip a beat as it overwhelmed him.

Was this emotion? He desperately asked, shutting his eyes at the gripping feeling in his chest. He was wrong; there was nothing he knew about having a heart. Almost he wondered why they fought so hard to obtain one, so hard to just know what they were missing. It was painful, he realized and it was far from pleasant.

He took the small steps and leaned on the closed station, the glass doors had a chained lock around it and he did his best to stay warm by sitting in a corner and squeezing the water out of his clothes. It was uncertain to him just how cold he was, reduced to shivering like a wet puppy. What was he doing in Twilight Town?

The questioned rolled out of his mind like coins from a piggy bank, it was impossible to count. He searched for an answer, even searching for any sense of his other half to find some sign of familiar ground. The only thing he found was that the storm seemed to grow angrier, roaring louder than ever before and adding the harsh winds to its rains.

He was so lost.


A considerable amount of time passed before he got himself to stand, the protesting muscles in his body continued to work for him despite the ache. The mystery of why he was even in pain eluded him, but he held faith in the heart that now lay dormant within his chest. Pain was proof of it, and the burning desire to find something to hand on to. Hope, faith, the emotions he could never imagine feeling for himself. Somewhere within the layers of his past, a new person found its way into his body.

His very own person; with his own heart, body and freedom.

The rain continued but the ferocity of the thunder and winds began to dwindle, almost as fast as he felt better mentally. He was in Twilight Town he noted, beginning to make sense of his surroundings. There was no mistaking the pastel streets that even while clouded by a storm, seemed to be as calm and peaceful as the last time he was here. The storm seemed to be moving on, off to the seas of the coast.

There was a new hope in him that he felt the need to act. Though physical condition was questionable, there was nothing to accomplish in the corner of a store, hiding from the rain. He didn’t like rain, the feeling as the water dropped on his skin and the mere coldness it did to his body. Rain was his natural born enemy and now it was currently winning the struggling battle within his body.

He started with a jog and promoted it to a run; he needed to find somewhere to stay.


The blonde boy eventually led himself to calm down and analyze his situation carefully. He concluded the essentials would be his first priority. Questions about his past and situation would lead him nowhere as quickly as he could ask them. There was no one to answer them.

His skin was considerably pale, paler than it probably should. The feeling in his head was dizziness and he felt weakness in his limbs. He was sick. Of course, it would have been common sense for it to happen, but for it to actually happen made him just a little bellow angry. None the less, it was yet another problem to add to his growing stock of problems.

His blue eyes turned to look around, and really look around for once. He didn’t see past things anymore now that his head was clearer than it had been. The storm was clearly not as bad as it had been when he first felt conscious, and it was not something one would complain about.

Thankful for the new turn of events, it marked the sign of a new day. The cloud still hid the sun away from the world but the calm was beginning to take its turn on the town. There was some light to guide him away from his hiding spot, and made his way down station heights.


For some reason he found himself in the deep alley way paths that made the town seem like a maze. There were a collection of bars that, of course, were closed for the most part. But not all of them were out for the night, some were open to host to the lonely and down on their luck bucks. Plus a lot of people needed shelter from the storm, especially after how hard it had poured.

There was a large man sitting in front of a door, with a leg over his knee and his back to the wall the man smoked in silence. There was not much in his line of thought as to why he approached the man; he was not in the least bit intimidated after having a few men that looked like him as co-workers. All his work for recon in Twilight Town now escaped him; he could not remember the ridiculous detail he used to know about the town. Now, most of all he needed help.

“Uh, hey…” Awkwardly he began, which was unlike his nature to appear timid. The man shot him a glare that flew past him, not afflicting the feeling he would have wanted. “I was just wonderin’ where I am? I kind’ve got lost on my way home…” The response was a blank look and a puff of smoke.

“You new here?”

“Yeah, kind of like that.”

“Well you shouldn’t be here. Get lost, punk.” Now that, he thought mentally, was uncalled for. There were other things he could probably do to mess him up but he was fighting against better judgment in his head.

“I’d be gettin’ lost faster if you just help me out here man.” He almost hissed, but now sported a scowl on his face. The man smiled smugly, something that made him want to punch him. Instead, he continued his mental battle.

“Tough luck kid, losers like you don’t need to be hanging around these parts. I’m sure a rat like you will find some way out of here. If you’re lucky.”

Well, that made things easier at least. His fist made its way towards the man’s jaw and following up the action with a second fist to the nose. Completely caught off-guard, the bouncer felt his consciousness slip as he grunted and promptly fainted.

“What the fuck, Ro- wha- oh my god.” It was a female voice, perky and a little bit too high for his head. “You knocked him out? What a useless piece of a bouncer.” As she sighed, the woman rubbed her temple and poked the man with her boot. “He always did get under the skin of people. Oh, I see a tooth out. That’ll hurt in the mor- oh wait, it already is morning.” It was almost like she was having a conversation with herself- and enjoying it.

“My name is Amanda, and you just knocked out my bouncer!” The woman finally addressed him, eyeing his odd attire while he merely stared back at her. She had short blonde hair that waved outward her face, a petite frame but fierce brown eyes and a particularly skimpy but boyish outfit to match her appearance. Inwardly, he was almost reminded of Larxene and slightly shuddered at the thought. Crazy woman. “What do you have to say for yourself?” Amanda murmured almost sultry-like but the mood was broken when she laughed. “Come in, I’ll give you a drink. And maybe a towel, you look like shit.”

“Uh- sure, thanks.” He wasn’t sure what else to say, the woman gave him no room to speak and led him into the surprisingly semi-busy club. He watched her expertly move around, dodging people left and right as if she was a drunken fist warrior. By the time she arrived at the bar there was a man there to greet her cheerfully.

“So, what’s your name?” Amanda wasted no time in asking for details, “I already told you mine so now you have to keep the score even!”

It took a moment to process his mind for the answer as for some reason wrecking the answer out of his head actually took effort. An image of those familiar deep vibrant blue eyes flashed across his mind while he thought, causing such internal pain that he had to clench his hand in a fist to contain the sudden urge to cause violence. Another moment had passed and he finally had his composure back, smiled sheepishly to her and said, “Axel.”


It almost surprised him just how much effort it took to move, much less tread the path downwards the somewhat steep slope. None the less, the effort was made and he slowly turned right into a familiar alley way. Slowly he kept going and eventually arrived in a street… he did not recognize. It occurred to him that in his travels of Twilight Town, he did not really pay particular attention to the street names or even the lesser known landmarks.

Then and there the boy stood in silence, the cold air gripping his skin and damp clothes while he tried to make sense of his location. Maybe it was his brain that was malfunctioning and he could not think straight. Maybe it was his fever. Regardless of the truth which was irrelevant at this point, he attempted once more to delve into his brain for some source of help.

“Harry!”

He winced suddenly, the female voice jarring his ears.

“Harry, come back here! You’ll get sick!”

It was filled with panic and worry but the source seemed to ignore her wishes. It took a moment for him to snap out of his daze and focused on what was now in front of him.

“Mister?” A small four year old boy tugged on his black leather cloak, his green eyes wide open with curiosity and what seemed to be worry. “Mister, arh you cowld?” His accent was childish and innocent and the hopeless expression he presented made him confused. Somehow he was compelled to comply with every single wish of the child.

“I-I’m a little cold.” He tried his best to reply, and it was not a complete lie. He was sick and the cold breeze even brought shivers to the child.

As soon as the words slipped out of his lips, the small boy tugged on his cloak with more force. When he had to adjust himself to move once again, the boy only tugged further with more bravado. The compelling feeling in his gut made him comply to what the boy seemed to wish.

“Harry? Who the- Harry let go of that person!” He could now see the owner of the jarring voice, gathered the effort to keep his expression neutral while he grimaced in the inside. She was actually a pretty little thing, with her brown hair and baby blue eyes that glowered over the child. “Harry, you can’t just run outside without telling me- and talk to strangers!” As they arrived to the door, she knelt down and gently scolded him but the boy remained passive.

“B-but,” he pouted, “he need help…”

It seemed, at the sudden display of gentleness, he was not the only one plagued by the strange compelling feeling of heeding to his desires. However he saw her fight her internal demons and reason while she deeply sighed and finally looked at him. “What if he was dangerous? You know everyone is not a nice person, Harry.” Smoothly, she tried to reason with him.

The small hand that held his cloak only gripped harder. He decided it would have been best if he were to take some initiative. “It’s alright,” he said weakly, “I was just on my way home.”

The female turned to him and there had a look of gratitude. The boy, however, would not release his hold. He even bent down and tried to gently unlatch the hand but it hadn’t worked. His face was in a perpetual state of a pout, eyes down casted and his determination strong.

“Let’s invite him in for breakfast then, okay Harry?”

The boy’s eyes lit up.

“Now go on, ask him.” She smiled gently.

For some reason, it felt like his cheeks begin to heat up as the boy turned to him with large, hopeful eyes.


Axel was not sure how long it had passed until Amanda was laughing heartily with her arm around his neck and both of them leaving the bar. For the most part he was passive and allowed himself a snark and witty comment here and there, but was generally content with brooding and taking long sips of his alcoholic drink. Still, Amanda was so drunk she could barely stand on her own. Suddenly, accepting the drink seemed like a bribe. He felt a little used.

“Heee-hic eyyy… Axieee.. why’s your hair so red anyway…” She giggled and breathed on his ear which made him flinch.

“Because.”

“Because whaaaat?!” Amanda insisted and he grudgingly cursed himself into getting in such a situation. This is the last thing he had time for and because of some strange feeling in his heart, he did not leave her to vomit and trip over every little thing in the bar.

“Because I was born this way?”

“Tcchh…” She pouted, then forcefully stopped walking. He complied for the moment and started at her, as if asking why? “Hey, you got anywhere to- hic, stay?”

Axel thought of his response and felt a sense of dread as he replied honestly.

“No.”

Amanda smiled widely and once again began walking, still using him as a crutch.

“I guess- hic.. since you knocked out Rob- my bouncer you gotta take over…” Amanda mumbled softly, “see!” Suddenly her voice rose, “I just gave you a job! Be thankful!”

His brain process stopped for a moment as he tried to make sense of her. “What?” He said rather lamely, giving her the strangest of his looks. Amanda only continued on her drunken trance and led him to her home, where a tall man in a brown coat stood outside.

“HUBBY!” As fast as Amanda screamed out the word, she unlatched herself from Axel and ran towards the man who looked absolutely furious. Ignorant of his rage, she simply gave him a tight hug and nuzzled his neck while she talked in unbelievable speed.

“Amy, you aren’t making sense, please talk slowly!”

“I saiddd, Axie thar took out Rob and now we gots our new bouncer! Darlin’ it only took like seconds man!” She grinned, showing just how proud of she was of her work. Her husband paled.

“Ax..ie?” He hesitantly turned towards the suspicious looking gentleman in even more suspicious looking clothes.

“Whoa, don’t get any ideas there man. I just brought her home and she didn’t say a word about taking ‘Rob’s’ place.” Quickly, he defended himself raising his hands to avoid any hostility he might have emitted.

The man calmed and then gave him a warm smile.

“Thank you for bringing her home,” he smiled again knowingly while his wife continued to ramble on.

“No problem man, she’s a wild now.” He felt himself smirk back and began to walk away. He needed to do something useful.

“Wait!” The man ran towards him and Axel turned back.

“Yeah?”

“Would you consider it? Taking the job that is. Robert won’t be exactly missed.”

Axel, for the first time really looked at the man. He was pale, tall but well built. His hair was black and spiked mildy upwards and his glasses gave him this intelligent air about him. The man wore a warm coat, jeans and a shirt that was completed with a scarf.

“Seriously?” He replied with partial disbelief and shock.

“Yes, it’s not often people help her stand and bring her home. It’s unfortunate because I have the day job and she takes care of the bar.” He sighed, “I’m Edwin, by the way. Axie, right?” He asked a little unsure.

“Axel, actually. She kind of promoted me with a nickname as the drinks went in her system.” He grinned in reply. “That’d be great man, a job sounds pretty good for a homeless guy like me.”

Edwin blinked while he looked a bit shocked. Clearly it was not something he quite expected, though his eyes warmed and gave Axel the same knowing smile. It was then that Axel decided that this man was a good person, noting his memories from his journey in the Organization and the people who graced the castle. “Then please, let us give you a night to crash.”


It was now a fond memory of how Harry asked him to go in the house with them. He remembered the cute but shy way the little boy did it, and how his female companion completely warmed up to the child and completely erased any sign of her anger. Now he sat silently on the round dining table with Harry sitting across him, shyly looking at him but never turning away. It was a little disconcerting to have someone stare at you with the utmost interest, but also gave him a warm feeling that made him comfortable with all the gentle attention.

“My name is Dia,” the girl introduced herself with a handshake. Slowly he held out his hand, too. “I’m his babysitter while his folks are out. That reminds me, you should call your folks too. They must be worried if you aren’t home by now.” Casually, she pointed to the phone and began to lead them towards the kitchen.

“Oh- um, I don’t have any parents.”

Dia paused for a moment to look at him, concern and shock shown in her eyes while she tried to change the subject. “So, stranger, what’s your name?”

Name? He wondered timidly, wondering what he should tell her. The truth? The lie? Which was fake or real?

“Roxas.”

“Funny name.” Dia smiled and left him in the lounge with Harry to go to the kitchen and prepare breakfast.

He felt just a little insulted and while it was Xemnas who gave him the name; it was the only identity that was his. Even if it was his ‘Nobody’ name. But he reasoned calmly, she did not know and nor would she understand. It would be unfair to be angry at her.

Harry tugged on his cloak once again, this time silently motioning for Roxas to remove his cloak. It was still wet and dripping. The cloak was slowly peeled off and it dropped to the ground like a heavy thick skin of leather. He shivered at his newly exposed skin, with his white shirt pressing on his body and showing the surprising toned body he had. The black jeans that hung from his hips were also wet, it was like he was pushed in a pool of artic cold water and he looked like a shivering puppy.

Immediately the young boy stared for a few seconds, ran away and Roxas was left there feeling just a little naked. It was on cue timing that Dia came back expecting to call on both of them when she saw him standing there, looking almost scared. For some reason unknown to Roxas, she swallowed and cleared her throat, “where’s Harry?” and asked him casually, her eyes turning away.

“He- uh, ran out for some reason.”

The pattering sounds of the little enthusiastic footsteps came to grace them and Harry brought with him two large fluffy towels that he could barely hold. He raised his arms towards Roxas who, shocked by the gesture, smiled like Sora would have and thanked the boy. When Harry and Dia left him to his own devices, Roxas began to ponder on Sora. He was unsure as to what these feelings were, the warm feeling in his chest or the seeming dread that haunted the same area.

The towel felt soft in his skin and it provided as a double for a blanket. His hair finally started showing signs of life as his partial dry hair began to spike up in its particular way. Roxas sighed tiredly, rubbed his head that throbbed for the duration of his existence. He did a splendid job hiding his real physical health, the pinkness in his cheeks easily hidden by the disheveled appearance and rain and he kept his eyes wide and alert despite the urge to let them drop and narrow.

It was ridiculous as to why he even did it, but something inside made him feel like he was imposing and being sick would bring more trouble. But the cloudy feeling in his head made him groggy, the emptiness of his stomach making it ache and he felt like he was burning. But his skin felt so cold. He never truly knew what a fever felt like up until now, and somehow he was definitely not enjoying it one bit.

“Uhn…” Roxas groaned softly, hearing Harry cheer Dia on as she cooked. What was this? Roxas wondered, taking a seat on one of the armchairs. It felt so cozy here, so loving. It was so easy for him to relax and allow his shoulders to drop, releasing all the weight, even just for a moment. His eyes wavered, dropping each time he fought to keep them up.

“Ro..Roxahs..!” Harry happily chirped, promptly waking Roxas from his soon to be slumber. He gave the kid a sleepy smile, slid off his seat to follow the bundle of sunshine.

Breakfast was pancakes with spicy sausage and he ate like he had been starved, quickly and a lot. His sleepiness wavered as he ate, generally waking up to the warm welcome of the food being shoved down his throat. He was unaware as to just how hungry he was up until that point, with feeding himself being one of the last things on his to-do lists.

Harry admired Roxas while he tried to eat as much pancakes as he could, although he did not last long and Dia told him not to be stubborn. He felt a little guilty, but he was so hungry. It was easy to swallow as well, the taste was exceptional and for some reason she knew to cook quite a lot.

“You looked hungry.” She merely shrugged when he kept giving her questionable glances.

Afterwards, Harry insisted that Dia get him a change of clothes which she finally agreed to, saying very clearly that it was all his idea. Roxas sat on the comfortable couch the entire time, constantly nodding off when there were no noises. No, he had to stay awake. Would it be rude to sleep? But Harry was so nice, and he didn’t want to just go off and just sleep.

When Dia brought the change of clothes, which was a simple t-shirt and some fairly comfortable shorts, he was ushered off to the bathroom to take a shower with Dia smartly stating before he gets sick. The hot water was a relief to his body, almost passing out while he let it run.

When he was done, Roxas got out and quickly changed. He found his way back to the lounge, with Dia in the kitchen and Harry setting up pillows. Wasn’t he only supposed to stay for breakfast?

As Harry ran up to him and tugged him to sit, he complied. When he was seated and comfortable, Harry ran off once again. The throbbing in his head made him want to faint, and the complete and utter silence was overwhelming. Roxas’ breathing became labored, however he did eventually fall asleep. When Harry came back, looking disappointed, he too, slowly made his way into dreamland beside the complete stranger.

Dia turned back to check on them and found herself smiling and wishing for a camera.


A/N: So, this was possibly longer than it originally was.